apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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