Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
