My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
