so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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