I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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