giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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