I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize