he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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