ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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