pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
