Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
