I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
