THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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