Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
