Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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