i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
