A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
...so i touched it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
