hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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