just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
