I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
