Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
