If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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