I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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