I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
