Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
