Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
