Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
