he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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