I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
