I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize