No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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