Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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