hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I looked at my own cervix.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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