she looked like the before picture.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
