So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
