Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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