the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
