Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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