the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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