tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
