I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
