Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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