You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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