I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
