No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
