I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
