If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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