oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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