his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
