i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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