Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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