got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
